Our Adoption Story

November is National Adoption Month.  My friend, Wendi, asked me to write our adoption story so that she could post it on her blog.  Click here if you would like to read our story on her blog.  She hopes to post a new adoption story each day in November.  

This is our story of God's unique plan for our family.

Clay and I were told that we might have difficulty conceiving a biological child. Once we decided to start trying though, I had a dream that I was pregnant. I woke up and immediately took a pregnancy test and was shocked that it was positive.  

I had bleeding throughout the pregnancy, but overall felt great. I loved being pregnant.  

To make a long story short, my delivery did not go well at all. It seemed like anything that could go wrong did. I eventually had to have an emergency c-section. Click here to read the complete story of Madison's birth and see pictures. Although the day Madison was born was one of the happiest of my life, it was also one of the saddest because that is the day that I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. I spent 3 days in the ICU and was not able to hold my sweet baby girl. 

Clay and I always knew that we wanted more children and just prayed that God would reveal His plan for our family. We have always been open to adoption and had planned on adopting even before we knew that I was no longer going to be able to carry children of my own. When we moved to Florida, we discovered an Adoption Center right around the corner from our house. We contacted them and began the adoption process. Later we found out that we began the process almost to the day that Jocelyn was born.  

After waiting six months, we got a phone call from the adoption agency on a Thursday asking us if we would like to submit our information to a birth family that had a 6 month old baby girl. I called Clay and we decided that we would submit our information and prayed that God's will would be done for this little girl. We got a phone call the following morning telling us that the birth family selected us and would like to meet us on Sunday. 

We met Ms. Keisha (Jocelyn's birthmother), Grandma Cathy (Jocelyn's birth grandmother) and Brittani Ann (Jocelyn's half sister). The birth family signed the adoption papers that day and after waiting the 72 waiting period, we got to bring Jocelyn home that Thursday.  

We now have two beautiful girls that are only a year and two weeks apart in age.  They are best friends and sisters forever.  Click here to read a letter that Jocelyn's birthmother wrote us following our meeting.  God has blessed our family through the miracle of birth and adoption. We can't imagine our family without both of our precious girls. One grew in my tummy and one grew in my heart. 

Thank you Lord for your perfect plan for our family.

Secondary Infertility

This morning my friend Wendi posted Infertility Again on her blog. Although infertility is not a topic that I have really talked about on my blog, her post inspired me to attempt to explain how secondary infertility impacts our family.

Most of you know our story, but I will do a very brief recap just in case. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in June 2005 by emergency C-section. Immediately following her birth I was taken back into surgery because I was hemorrhaging (bleeding out). The doctors could not stop the bleeding, so they had no choice but to preform a hysterectomy. Therefore leaving me without a uterus.

In 2007 we were blessed by the miracle of adoption when our second beautiful daughter entered our family at 6 months old. Although we feel so blessed to have two girls it is still difficult to know that expanding our family is not as easy as getting pregnant. If we want to have more children it will take a lot of planning, paperwork and money.

Wendi's friend Joanna explained perfectly the feelings that we have dealt with over the years. Here are some of them: (I changed the wording a little to relate it to our situation.)

"One thing that makes secondary infertility so painful and more lonely is that just by the nature of what you do on a daily basis, you are forced to be around pregnant people. And usually these are people who are pregnant for the second or third time. Take the zoo, for instance. When dealing with primary infertility, one would never in a million years have gone to the zoo on a regular basis. You would have avoided it like the plague. The same goes for playgrounds, Story Time at the library, and any other activity that screams YOUNG FAMILIES!! But now, because I have young children, I go to these places. Places where there are other moms of young children. And chances are, if they've had one child they'll have another with no difficulty. Inevitably you see moms with a huge baby belly who have children the same age as your own (or younger even), and you can't help but be reminded that you can't have children." This is one of the reasons that it has been so difficult for me to get involved in groups like MOPS. I also have a difficult time going to Baby Showers and hearing that people are pregnant. I truly am happy for their family, but it is a reminder of what we have lost.

"I feel like I don't fit in anywhere --and that no one understands. Women who are still dealing with primary infertility can't imagine that secondary could feel the same way. At least you already have a child," they say." I feel guilty about being sad about my own infertility when God has already given us two beautiful girls.

"The bewildering thing is that they're right and there is no reasonable explanation to how the ache can be so strong. People who see you with one child assume you could have two, and so they ask when you're going to have another. And the most heartbreaking of all is when the children realizes that most people have siblings and voices to you that they'd like more too. As if it's that easy." I get asked multiple times a week when we are going to have a boy since we already have two beautiful girls. I always wanted a boy and it is hard to think that they may never happen.

We are so thankful for our girls and yet still feel the loss of not being able to physically have more children. We are in prayer for what God has in store for our family.

The Day Madison Was Born!

Baby GIRL!: Madison Elizabeth Rabens
Parents: Clay and Brittney Rabens
Date: Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Time: 5:55 a.m.
Weight: 8 lbs. 10 oz.
Height: 20 inches

As many of you know, the delivery did not go as I would have planned. For those of you that do not know the details, I will do my best to give a brief summary of what happened. Last Sunday after church we went to the hospital because I was experiencing some bleeding. After an exam they sent me home. I had my next OB appointment on Monday. I went in for my routine appointment and they sent me back upstairs to Labor and Delivery since the bleeding had not stopped. Due to favorable condition with my cervix they admitted me and planned to use pitocin to induce labor. However by the time we were checked in, I was in active labor without the drugs. I seemed to dilate pretty rapidly and was ready to push. After pushing for 3 and a half hours, we decided that a c-section was going to be the best option. The baby was just too big and I was just too exhausted. After my c-section we saw our beautiful baby GIRL! That was the first of many surprises. I still can't believe that she is a girl. They stitched me up and returned me to the labor and delivery room. I began getting pale and extremely light headed. I do not remember much of anything after that point. I was in surgery from 8:00 am to 3:00 pm on Tuesday. From what I understand my uterus would not contract and therefore was causing me to bleed out. The Lord directed the doctor's hands as they tried a variety of things to stop the bleeding. After getting my blood supply replenished 3 times, getting pumped with all new fluids, and having my uterus removed, the doctor's were able to stabilize me. If you have technical medical questions, Clay would be more than happy to answer them, but I do not understand it all well enough to explain it. All I know is that I have had a sick uterus and it is a miracle that I was able to get pregnant, carry baby Madison to term, and deliver her. God's hand is evident in every aspect of this experience. I am excited to see what God has planned for my miracle baby. God's provision during this past week has been amazing. My mother flew into town last Saturday and had already planned on staying at least a month to help. Clay had his week break from school and could spend every minute of everyday with us. He did not have the distraction of dealing with medical school on top of everything else. Clay's brother was able to fly in immediately and was kind enough to bring some girl clothes since they have a daughter that is 19 months old. Clay's parents arrived on Friday and have stayed several days to help out. The doctors and nurses were amazing! They were praying for us and did everything they could to help us understand what was happening. I was amazed by the relationships that we made. I could feel their genuine care and concern for me and the baby. After the surgery I spent two days in ICU. It was a humbling experience. I had two inquired marines on either side of me that were just in from overseas. We get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget that their are men and women fighting for our freedoms overseas. I would encourage you to pray for these men and women and their families. I was the only person they had ever had in ICU with a breast pump. I began pumping so that when I was reunited with Madison, I would be ready to breastfeed. She was not allowed to be in ICU, so I had to wait until I was back up on labor and delivery to see her again. That was the longest time ever. Finally, I was released from ICU on Thursday morning at 11:00 am. I then got to hold my beautiful baby girl for the first time. I am so grateful for the nurses though, because they were holding and snuggling my baby for the first few days of her life when I was unable too. I spent the next few days recovering. It is going to be a long recovery process, but God is good and he continues to heal me everyday. Because Clay is a medical student, they made some exceptions and sent me home with a drain still in my incision. I am so grateful to be home. It is going to be much easier to recover in the comforts of your own home. I can not begin to tell you how grateful I am for all of your prayers. God heard our prayers and saved my life. Thank you for your continued prayers. I wish that I could visit with each one of you personally and thank you right now, however I am still very weak. Please feel free to call me or email me though.

Madison Elizabeth Rabens!

Proud Daddy is calling everyone to tell them that we have a beautiful, healthy baby GIRL!

Grandma is admiring her first grandaughter!

The first time that I got to hold Madison!

Three generations!